Marauders

The boys always are finding ineresting escapades. The other day they got into the kool aid that I use to dye playsilks and turned their hands and mouths red. Today was markers. I can't get mad because I am so happy to see the pals they have become. : )

They did the following while I was typing yesterdays post...







Will got a kick out of painting Jack's butt.

Hey Julie Mama

TIred. Why do I get so stressed before going on vacation? Once we are outta here it will be great. Today I have cooked chicken stock, chicken tortilla soup, granola, and butternut squash. I've peeled and frozen yummy roasted peppers from Whole Foods to use in an egg casserole upon returning home. Made tea. Grocery shopped. Made list of food for trip. Yes, food is my life. Tomorrow I will make oatmeal cookies, mix up "instant" oatmeal for the camping trip, and make pesto to freeze before we leave with all the basil growing out of our ears here. Um, what else do I need to do? No, my family will not starve.

Boys are giggling. Must go see what destruction has occurred.

Fearsome Fours, Power Struggles, and Magical Thinking.

Great article. The last paragraph really spoke to me. I see Will's need for power, his clinginess, self-consciousness, and imagination soar in the last few months. Its so interesting to see this take on those issues. Perspective. Again.

http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m0838/is_n62/ai_11727626/pg_1

Hey Julie Mama

I have not felt very bloggy lately. My back is nearly back to normal. I have a lot of cleaning and catching up to do around here. Dusting, bathrooms and such. I am at a point again that a refresher in Spiritual Tasks of the Homemaker would be helpful.

We leave next week for camping at Beaver Lake, Arkansas. We spend the weekend with family (um, fun?) and then get to decompress alone the week after. It will be... perfect I know. Its a beautiful rock bottom lake, so cool and clear.

I am making us tomato, basil, and buffalo mozzarella sandwiches today. The tomato and basil is from my garden! The cheese is from Costco! The tomatoe, I have to say looks delish.

Another chiro appt. tonight. More cleaning. More cooking.

The boys are mostly amazing friends these days.

Give Me to Myself!

I like the Calendar of the Soul for this week:


Calendar of the Soul

[August 20, 2006 - August 26, 2006]

Nineteenth Week
(August 11-17)

In secret to encompass now
With memory what I've newly got
Shall be my striving's further aim:
Thus, ever strengthening, selfhood's forces
Shall be awakened from within
And growing, give me to myself.

Home

Baby Hailey is coming home tomorrow! She spent her first 3 months of life in the hospital. She will still have to use a feeding tube but she will at least be home.

Healing

"The vibration of too much of our life's energy going out with too little coming back for ourselves can often set us up for dis-ease which leads to illness and crisis that force us to RESET, RE-EVALUATE, and RE-CENTER. The Guru in you tells you clearly when it is time to listen to your body and your thoughts for INSPIRED CHANGES that are vital to restore BALANCE.

Often the Guru in you is greeted with new approaches to health, nutrition, and longevity at these times."

This is what happened...

I dare not post because I don't want to whine.

But first thing this morning I picked up the 1.5 year old and my back went out. I've spent the day hobbling or crawling around. Got in to see a new chiro that is just down the street from me. Another appointment tommorow. They gave me some homeopathic pain reliever stuff - valarian root and more.

I was upset with myself today. I need monthly adjustments or its down this road I go. I KNOW that. I slacked because I got tired of arranging child care, and then making the long drive to my other chiro. Not taking of myself. Not making myself a priority. I have to be well to have my children be well. I KNOW that!!!!

The good news and I really like this new chiro office. It was divine guidance that brought me to them... my CSA drops off the goods at this office each week. I think I'm meant to be there. Just wish it wasn't under such painful circumstances.

Off to a good night's sleep....hopefully.

Here we go.

I'm watching 5 little boys today - ages 8,5,4,2 and 1.5. Give me strength!

Bestest Smoothie Ever

1/2 cup oatmeal (or cook some steel cut oats in your crock pot overnight).
Rice milk
Banana
A handful of wheat grass, or whatever green you have on hand.

Delish!

Choices.

First, I wrote out a huge blog yesterday but I guess I lost it because it never posted. Bummer. Bygones. But now on to today's musings.

My head is kind of swirling over "the plan." The plan consists of how I want our days to proceed over the next few months. Our parent/toddler program is over at Children's Song and I can either sign on for 10 more weeks of sessions, or not. Or I could decide to send Will to Lake Farm School for a couple days a week. But not really, because its too long of a drive. Or I could chuck ALL driving, buy the Enki curriculum that I have been considering and try to stay home. Or, just pull out my Earthways book, Seven Times the Sun, Toymaking with Children, the felt and beeswax and clay I already have and just start doing stuff at home.

So I am indecisive because:

1. Our rhythm at home gets easily whacked if we leave to go to cool play dates.

2. I need the support of community. I love Ms. Diana at Lake Farm School - she is wise, and supportive, and inspirational. She is magic with the children. In my dreams, we would live on a few acres near the school, Will would go to the preschool a couple days a week, and we would homeschool. Oh, but then Daddy would commute for 2 hours a day to work and have no life. Oh wait, kinda like now, but in Lee's Summit.

3. I enjoy Children's Song but it does not nourish us in the way Lake Farm does. But its closer. Also, Jack and I could do the toddler program upstairs one day a week, while Will is with the preschoolers. Cool arrangement!

4. Above arrangement cool. Except, back to loving Lake Farm School. Daddy could attend the Saturday program with us. In fact, Mark and I have agree that this should be the one CERTAIN thing we do because we love it so much.

5. But then... I would LOVE Will to be involved in the preschool festivals at Lake Farm. The advent, martinmas, the plays. Back to that wishful thinking I guess. I don't want to drive 2 days a week out there, drop Will off and have to figure out stuff for Jack and I to do while he is in the school.

6. Fine. Stay home. Get Enki and it will solve EVERYTHING, right?

7. Except when I lose it and freak out because my children DON"T NAP.

Steiner.

Every week I get a quote from Rudolf Steiner's Calendar of the Soul. Some weeks I love reading it, contemplating it, really dissecting it to understand and grow from the words.

Other days, when I'm not on my game, I just want to scream WTF, why the hell am I bothering, I can't figure out half what you mean, man!!!

Um. What mood am I in today? Care to guess? : )


Calendar of the Soul

[July 30, 2006 - August 05, 2006]

Sixteenth Week
(July 21-27)

To bear in inward keeping spirit bounty
Is stern command of my prophetic feeling,
That ripened gifts divine
Maturing in the depths of soul
To selfhood bring their fruits.
_____________________

Hmmm.

Sometimes I really feel lonely. Even if I talk to people all day long. I feel lonely right now. I guess that also means I am feeling alienated from myself too. I am too tired right now to be me.

And I am whiney for little reasons. None of the meals I have cooked lately have turned out quite right. Everythings edible, but not great.

Mark is in the basement partying with his buddies and I just got the two boys to bed. Jack will wake in 3 hours to begin his nightly nurse-a-thon. I am whiney because I want a girls weekend. Just once. Or someone to plan, shop, prepare and clean up a meal for me and my girlfriends. Just once.

Ok, I could go on. Actually I did but just deleted it all.

I just need sleep, its affecting me.

Sleep. I want some.

I am so tired. To bed soon.

I've got to figure out what to do with Will in the afternoons. This floppy, hitting, so tired his eyes are bloodshot, but he won't rest boy is killing me.

I don't know. The week started out amazing. I got a lot done around the house, had the energy to keep up with the 2 little tornadoes in my house.

We have friends coming in tomorrow night and then Saturday Mark is off to Lawrence for a guys weekend. I'm making veggie burgers - made from awesome roasted barley grains leftover from my friend's beer brewing, fries and corn on the cob for the guys tomorrow night. And watermelon. Summertime! Carbs!

I bought washy modeling soap, and some clay from www.waldorfsupplies.com in anticipation of a weekend without Daddy. The washy soap amused Will for most the day the last time Daddy was out of town. It smells amazing.

I need to figure some things out.

1. Jack's all night nursing. Argh.

2. Will peeing the bed every night.

3. Getting Will and Daddy back in our bedroom. Or at least Daddy, but I think it will have to be a package deal.

I am truly going to put some energy into all of this. At least the last 2 items. Those should be easier to accomplish.

I am listening to The Red Tent on my IPod. And reading Non-Violent Communication. I have several more audio books to read, and I have Raising Boys checked out from the library.

I have 8 meals to cook this weekend. I'm cooking Szechuan Soba Noodles in a Peanut Sauce and Zuchinni Pesto Ravioli, using won ton wrappers for the ravioli.
I also made gazpacho today, but I am the only one eating it. I can't eat that much tomatoes as its too much acid and I get cold sores in my mouth. So I don't know what I'm going to do with all this gazpacho. Plus the fact that I pureed it in hopes that others would eat it so it isn't that pretty to look at. But it tastes good.


Tomorrow rhythm.

I really want to go to my mom's and scrapbook, but I need to stay home and clean this house and make the burgers.

I am so addicted to caffeine. Its screwing me up. Maybe its messing with Jack too and that is why he is up nursing so much. Guess I'll put this on my "needs some attention" list....

Food, food, food

I am becoming a little obsessed with cooking lately.

First, my friend made the most amazing millet, yellow "birthday cake" in the world. A-maz-ing. I just ran across a cake using couscous and now want to give this a try:

http://dessert.allrecipes.com/az/84119.asp

Vita-Mix. I've used it 3 times today and its not even noon. I grinded my coffee beans, made rice milk, and made pineapple sorbets for a snack (ice and pineapple juice).

Yesterday I made sweet potato and red bean enchildadas. Yum. I snuck in some swiss chard, pureed it all together. Mark has consistancy issues on food, and Will won't eat beans (except hummus). But they all ate this! Mark was very, very hesitant - he has never eaten a sweet potatoe in his life. He LOVED it. Actually had seconds and didn't just eat because he had too. I made an enchilda sauce with fresh tomatoes and onions. So good. Of course, the recipe didn't call for it but I had to top the whole concoction with cheese.

On the road.

Ridiculous things I saw on the road yesterday:

A corvette with a middle age white guy driving and a license plate that said, "LIV2WIN." Whatever.

A bumper sticker:

10 out of 10 people die.
www.needgod.com

What a lousy reason to need God. I will never get that concept.

What are you addicted to?

We discovered this hot sauce while living in California - over ten years ago now. This was served at California 66 on C Street in Ventura, where we lived. Mark would go boogie boarding in the morning (I would watch fron the beach - that water is COLD!) and then we would head over there a sit on the patio to enjoy the best potato/egg/bacon stuffed burritos ever. Its spicy, sweet and a touch garlickly.

Oh, I can smell the salt air now. Sigh.

We can't eat a quiche or a burrito without it now and buy it in a case. A case used to last a year, but now lasts about 7 months.... we'll blame that on Will.

http://www.pepperplant.com/

Summer days

I have decided that Four and Two is Fun. We are really enjoying each other around here lately. It must be me. Heh. I am somewhat surprised, but oh so happy and relieved, about how well I've been, emotionally, lately.

Will has found his groove - at home, and INSIDE, which is a near miracle. He is having more and more tender moments toward his brother (though not always) and is playing more on his own than ever before (thank you Legos, and mommy's lingerie drawer). Mostly.

Even when crazy things happen, I am handling the stress better. The other day I had just prepared lunch and had our soup bowls (leftover Apple-Zuchinni Soup) and bread on the table. I ran upstairs to go to the bathroom and when I came down, I discovered that Will had taken each one of our soup bowls and tossed the contents out the back door. Out the back door!!!! Splat, right on the deck. All my work, the money for the organic veggies, the waste. On the deck. Now, in the past, I would have freaked out. I would have been angry with him, angry with myself, woes-me-the-world-is-ending kinda freak out. Well, I insisted he clean up his mess, I was very, very quiet about the whole ordeal, and very sad. Will took it all in, and was pretty forlorn about it all as well. I think it sunk in that I was not happy. Not a lot of words, no lectures. Just firmness about my expectations, and move on.

I have to admit, later thinking back, it was kind of funny. He just DID NOT like that soup. And really, it wasn't my favorite either. He just found a way to make it go away. I have to laugh about it now.

So for me, I have to say thank you to:

Taking my vitamins daily

and

Non-Violent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg

Wow.

Explain to me..

The infatuation with poop and other bodily fulids? Jumping in your own poop CANNOT be that much fun. Or jumping in your brothers. I just don't get it. Neither can blowing snot boogers like canons out of your nose be so fulfilling.

I have more Vita-mix cooking bloggy stuff to write but won't combine it with such a disgusting post.

Feelin' crafty

I have the urge to start another project. I must resist and instead finish a UFO in my scrap closet. I cleaned out my craft closet - I'm ready to go....