Will and his violin

“Music exists for the purpose of growing an admirable heart.”
---Shinichi Suzuki

Oh what fun...

This week was great. I wish I had it in pictures, it would be so much more interesting.

Monday was all day play with their cousin Reed here at home, and the Will's NAET appt.

Tuesday we spent up at a lake in Lawson, MO with other homeschoolers celebrating the summer. Will thought it was so cool to have all those homeschoolers in one place. He is now even answering on his own when the "Oh, will you start Kindergaren this year?" question comes his way. "Actually, I'm homeschooling." Mama is thrilled. Though the other day he did ask why can't he homeschool AND go to school. I told him next year - when he goes to Lake Farm School two days a week (hoping that works out the way I envision).

Wednesday we hung out in the morning and played and visited Grandpa and Na-na's house in the afternoon (a short walk down the street).

Thursday morning we got to see a friend of mine from high school - went swimming at the Harrisonville community center for her dd's birthday. Josie is the same age as Will. I also realized Harrisonville's community center is almost as close to me as Lee's Summits! Shows how freaking far south we are. The afternoon was spent making and playing with the cardboard swords and shields my True Knights in Shining Armor begged to make. Jackie is so much trying to say "SHHHHield" instead of "FFField." He's working on it.

Friday was violin lessons. We take lessons with another 5 year old girl and her father. They are fabulous violinists (he was a Suzuki kid himself growing up). I am working very hard to stay inspired and not intimidated. Will is really enjoying playing with them. He took to heart the father's suggestion that he "practices ONLY on the days he sleeps. Or eats." : ) Of course, all of Will's practice time is um, free flowing you could say. He has no interest in formal instruction from me.
After we hung out at Grandma's for awhile and then came home. Ate dinner out at La Fuentes.

Saturday - another hanging out kind of day! Oh, and picking ticks off of everyone from being at grandma's the day before... I think the ticks came from good old dog Bluey, who had to hang out in the backyard all day
.

Tomorrow we go to Liberty Memorial and meet friends of Mark's from work ---- taking all the dogs to the dog park. Should be.... interesting. First thing in the morning Will goes fishing with Grandpa down at our lake.

I'm currently downloading a bunch of pics on the other computer and plan to compile a "summer of pics" for here.

The entire week Will was just amazing. I mean there were still 5 year old moments and all but it was all more manageable -- his frustrations, his disapointments. Yes, he got mad over things, talked back about things but didn't completely fall apart over and over and over again. Its so much easier to handle the rough times when they don't come at you every 15 seconds.

This week he:
Created many great art pieces. He rarely sits and colors. This week he drew about 5 pictures. He made a picture for his friend's birthday and asked me how to spell her name. Actually he asked me to spell it in the air --- and then he copied down what I wrote in the air.
Created his own "albums" with paper and tape. He made the album cover, and then the album to slip inside it.
Created -I don't even know what but its a huge mess of strings and boxes and papers and clips in my living room.
Made paper airplanes with Daddy
Played a board game - Auntie Ruth's Apples.
Played his violin! Mississipi Hot Dog, and Cabbage, Cabbage.... (boil that cabbage down!).
And here's a biggie - he helped clean up tonight. He went nuts cleaning and organizing. Mark and I looked at each other like, "who IS this kid?" : )


And Jack?
He was right there with Will. Making messes, being a knight, or a pirate, or a cowboy or a doctor. Saving us all week long. Giving us his big sweet smile.

Yes, this week deserved pictures.

NAET updates.

Will has now been to 3 NAET appointments. He has been treated for Body Balance, Egg Mix, and Vitamin C. The past couple of weeks have been hell - screaming fits, rage, attitude. Exemplified. Today he was treated for Vitamin C. Tonight for the first time (he's 5) ever we played a board game. Other than quick games of Animal Lotto (a year ago) I've never been able to have him sit thru a game and play. But he also had a really grand day playing with his cousin all day. Very few outbursts. They had a blast (here at home) playing dress up and tons of imaginative play. Maybe he was just at ease for a change because of that. ???

At his appointment he was also treated for emotions - panic and irritation. Last week he was treated for fear. I think I could be treated for all the same things!

I'm going to start documenting all of this. I've given up on Feingold for now just because ELIMINATION DIETS SUCK! I'm tired living with so many questions. Or maybe there is nothing to question.

A few months ago during the Weird Breathing Thing, x-rays from the pulmonologist showed he had "mild asthma" (i.e. mild fluid in the lungs). The pulmonologist basically said The Weird Breathing Thing was not related to that, but hey, come back in Septmember for more x-rays and we'll talk meds. Okay he wasn't SO blatant about the meds but he did look me solemnly in the eye and asked me, "do I have your commitment that you will return in the Fall for more testing?" It just freaked me out. I squirmed - I felt like it would be Noted In A File if I said no. I just said I would see. Nope, no meds thank you. Not yet. I need to fing out the issue not just cover it up.

All We Really Need Is...

a tree.

"The Buddist scriptures tells us there are 8 objections to living in a house:

it is a lot of trouble to build;
it must be kept in repair;
some nobleman might seize it;
too many people may want to live in or visit it;
it makes the body tender;
it provides concealment for committing evil deeds;
it causes pride of ownership;
and it harbors lice and bugs.

"There are ten advantages, on the other hand, in residing under a tree:

it can be found with ease;
in can be found in any locality;
the sight of falling leaves is a reminder of the impermanence of life;
a tree arouses no covetous thoughts;
it affords no opportunity for evil deeds;
it is not received from any person;
it is inhabitated by good spirits;
it needs no fence;
it promotes health;
it does not involve worldly attachments."

--Pujimaliya

Seven Random Things about Me.

Oh yea, I just discovered that Sarah at www.naptimemusings.blogspotlcom tagged me.I don't think I've ever been tagged and feel quite special!

Seven Random Things About Me"

1. This is harder than I thought. Sarah's seven things reminded me that I absolutely can't stand going to sleep with one of my closet doors opened. Just can't sleep.

2. I had a tattoo laser removed. I have nothing aganst tattoos, just the dumb ass one I had on my ankle that reminded me of a very wild and dark time in my past. It cost $1,500 and was worth every penny and cancerous cell in my body. I would actually get another one as long as it wasn't a dumb ass one.

3. I also had a hard time deciding on a major in college and ended up with a freaking degree before I ever decided what I wanted to do with my life. My degree was fancifully called Business Communications but really meant Marketing.

4. My most inspirational song was sung by Kermit the Frog, "The Rainbow Connection."

5. My kids seriously freak me out on a daily basis.

6. Some Day. Poof. I will be Free.

7. No More Kids. (Think Tears For Fears.) None. Nada. Zilch. Although I can say my body is begging for one. I can tell. Never noticed this before, but these days. I can tell.

Maybe I should post this.

Today Will told me:

"Mommy, I feel like my whole body is spinning, spiniing, spinning, all the time."

I can tell.

Oh, the pain a mother feels when she knows she is failing her child.

I'm worn out.

I've been thinking about posting and complaining all day. I am drained. I seriously never knew how much I needed to work on my CHARACTER until I had kids. Mostly after Jack. Escpecially after Jack. Damn, I was a good mom to Will the first two years. What the hell.


Pause.

Just about to go into a rant, looked at the computer and saw My Number. I'm an 11:11 person. Let me pause.

Stay in THIS moment.

And start again tomorrow.

One goal this week

To get my camera cable thingy hooked up to the computer so I can upload new pics. Just that one goal. That is all. To do this though, I need to:

Find the cable thingy.

What is that wiggly thing at the back of your throat?

That was the question googled today and this is the answer we found:

http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20060629055746AAjEp5O

And today...

the boys filled up their little tent with water, and then naked, took turns running and sliding and colliding into the tent. They were having a grand time and I was getting the kitchen floor cleaned. A few minutes later I look out and Jack is naked squatting over his knight in shining armor plastic helmet and about to take a poop. No worries I caught him in time. He just thought it would be SO fun, and his big brother was totally encouraging he do it.

I'm involved in a tribe of mothers with 2 or more boys on MDC. Thank goodness because reading their crazy stories gives me comfort that I am not alone.

We are doing lots of dreaming around here. That is good. It always gets me encouraged when we dream.

We are also planning our somewhat dull and recently cut in half vacation to Indiana this summer for Mark's parents 60th wedding anniversary. I love Mark's family (mostly) but man, does there have to be so MANY of them?????? I'm tired of all our vacations being around family. Next year: our goal is to attend the Enki homeschool conference out east and go to one of the fairy islands in Maine. We ban any nieces or nephews from getting married next year. Next year is for us, dammit! : )

Travelin' Julie

I just spend a weekend away (okay, well a night) at The Elms all by myself. First time in 5 years. Probably more.

My niece from Michigan and her clan of her partner and 3 kids visited this weekend and we decided that the boys and I are going to go to St. Louis to the Arch today. We'll be back tomorrow sometime. I'm feeling so reckless these days and it feels great! : )

Eleanor Roosevelt

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."

More Eleanor for your soul:

http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/e/eleanor_roosevelt.html

Violin Tragedy.

Gulp. Cry. Sigh. Broken neck (on the itty bitty 1/16 violin that is). Devastated little boy. Heartbroken mother.

Beautiful violin. We were lucky to find it and at a good price. Teacher even said he wanted to buy it from us when we were done with it - or that we would probably even be able to sell it for more as it is a somewhat rare violin (Made in Japan vs. China).

I'll make some phone calls tomorrow to see what attempt of repair can be made, but it will never be the same. : (

Summer Solstice is approaching...Celebrate it.

Calendar of the Soul

[June 17, 2007 - June 23, 2007]

Eleventh Week

In this the sun's high hour it rests
With you to understand these words of wisdom:
Surrender to the beauty of the world,
Be stirred with new-enlivened feeling;
The human I can lose itself
And find itself within the cosmic I.
________________________

These are the days.

I have Natalie Merchant in my mind. Alot. Love her.

Anyway... Will is growing by leaps and bounds. I can't keep up with all the milestones that have occured over the last few months. He seems to have grown developmentally so much in the past 6 months. He is most certainly out of BabyLand and into the Childhood Years. His most recent milestone - he's taking swim lessons and is now putting his head under water and swimming like a fish. This - from the child who HATED even getting his hair washed and we always had to make CERTAIN no water would come near his eyes. He is dunking himself under the water, and learning his strokes. Its just wild to see.

He's also learning the fine art of QUIET TIME. I'm determined to have it these days. I'm approaching it judgement free (which seems to work on every discipline level so far for me if I would just stick to it) and just as a way it is to be. I nurse Jack down to sleep, and if Will hasn't fallen asleep then I tell him he can either stay in the playroom and play quietly, or come snuggle with me in my bedroom. But I am resting. He's actually cool with it - he often stays in the playroom and hangs out by himself. I think this is so very healthy for him to finally start learning the good that can come from alone time. Though, too, there are times that Jack doesn't want to sleep and they like to have quiet time together. They are actually staying in the room and letting me rest in my own bedroom. I'm taking this time to either meditate a bit, or do some reading, or cat nap. I work hard to keep us at home between 1 pm and 3 pm these days. Gosh, I hope I am not jinxing myself writing this out.

On ME front - I go next Saturday to The Elms for an overnight spa retreat. Alone! For the first time in 6 years (at least). These days the boys both sleep thru the night, and Jack can easily skip nursing without upset. He pretty much forgets about nursies unless I am around. I'm excited. I signed up for a Mud Bath De-tox, and Rain Therapy Massage.

Days fly by and I try not to wish it all away. I am missing old friends, wanting to do more fun activities, wanting to get the house cleaner and more organized, wanting to stay home more, wanting to go out more though too. Basically wanting it all and trying to not beat myself up that things slide and I can't/don't/won't do it all and it is what it is. Let go of the guilt.

The prom queen from Sixteen Candles...

remember the drunk prom queen... who got her hair stuck in a door and her girlfriends helped her out by cutting off the back of her hair?

I got that hair cut today.

The right kind of Suzuki mom

Today I told our violin teacher I was not being a good Suzuki mom. I've felt guilty about how fast time flies and that I don't ever get in the practice time every day. I mean, good grief, he's just asking us to spend 4 minutes a day playing games with the violin. He, as he always does, said just the right thing to get me back on track and let go of the guilt. After our lesson, I chatted a bit with the next mother, who has been taking lessons with her 12 year old son for a year and a half. I really want to get to know her better. She has great energy about her. I told her we really enjoyed her recital last week and found it very inspring (she has great stage presence and kind of reminds me of Natalie Merchant). After a bit more talk she told me her son had started Suzuki lessons at age 5 but dropped after 6 months and that the teacher they were with at the time just wasn't the right fit. She told me they are unschoolers and Mr. Cook has been really understanding and flexible with their style and that has made all the difference. I see that as our opportunity as well. I hope to get to know her better.

So I relaxed on myself because I know that I want Will to find his own love of the violin (or not) and for music. I want to expose him to it, not force it. I know that. So what if he doesn't want to practice every day. I will play the Twinkle CD, and practice myself. He will absorb it. He is.

Tonight he showed Grandma and Grandpa Voss his violin, and stood, rest position, bowed, zipped and stepped and placed the violin to jaw, with A PERFECT BOW HOLD (we were not seeing this) and played Mississipi Hot Dog on strings A and E. I could not believe it. He did not learn this because I had been telling him over and over how to hold the bow (he kept holding it wrong and it was a bit maddening to me). He just absorbs it. He's been feeling pressure from me, even though I jump to my defense and say I am not pressuring him (but there is that nagging in my head saying he NEEDS to learn the importance of practice and feels this I am sure.)

I am not doing this to teach my child violin.

"I just want to create loving, sensitive human beings with beautiful hearts." ----Shinichi Suzuki

Today I Shall..

Continue to get ready for the boys' birthday party tomorrow. We'll have 20 people here in the afternoon for dinner.
Get the house somewhat organized for Mark's parents arrival tonight.

Get turkey meat cooked for tacos tomorrow.
Cook mexican rice tonight.
Get tonight's dinner in oven.
Wash windows.
Fold a zillion loads of laundry.
Not stress over my unorganized house and the fact my super organized MIL will be here in 4 hours.
Not stress over the fact that Mark is sick as a dog.

Memories I'll never forget...

Watching Will ride his 2 wheel bike down the cul-de-sac with Daddy and Grandpa running behind him and cheering him on. Classic.

Watching Jack carry his own potty down the sidewalk and to the car after spending the day at Grandma's house.

Watching my naked little boys in the backyard chase their new big Bluey dog at evening twilight.

Watching Will perform his VERY FIRST violin recital and seeing the huge smile on his face. He is not actually playing yet, but performed his bow hold excercise and his violin hold excercise. (Up Like A Rocket, and then holding the violin to his jaw for the entire Twinkle Twinkle song. He said he sang really loud "in his head" but the people couldn't hear him.

Watching Will announce that Tonight he is sleeping with his cousins (who stayed the night) in the guest room and that He Doesn't Even Need To Touch Daddy's Back to get to sleep. He did it!

Watching Will be so brave while in the ER room getting two stitches in his chin.

Hearing Jack say he wants to Wear His Tighty Whiteys!

So many milestones lately.

A Quote for Now, For Me

Calendar of the Soul

[May 13, 2007 - May 19, 2007]

Sixth Week

There has arisen from its narrow limits
My self and finds itself
As revelation of all worlds
Within the sway of time and space;
The world, as archetype divine,
Displays to me at every turn
The truth of my own likeness.